17
Oct/2007
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Horror Movie Lessons Learned
Sooo...We were discussing how movies should be entertaining. They don't always need to teach us morals, values, principles, and provide us with general education. After all, isn't that what parents and public school are for?
The discussion ended up with our list of lessons learned from horror movies.
- Don't have sex near the cemetery.
- If you must have sex near the cemetery, wait until you get home to clean up.
- Don't wear high heels when walking in the woods at night.
- It doesn't matter what that noise was. Why would you go look?
- If there were 8 of you to start with, and now there's only 5, don't go looking for the other 3.
- No...You really don't need to split up and look for anything.
- If he can lift a tree or car by himself, then you can't take him. It doesn't matter that you're the biggest guy on the football team.
- If somebody that looks like Pinhead wants the box, why are you still holding it?
- If the words "manipulated" and "genetics" are used in the same sentence to describe any aspect of your destination, stay home.
- If he's wearing a hockey mask and/or wielding a machete, it probably won't do any good to trip him or punch him.
- Handguns have no value when fighting the undead.
- Leave the dead in the ground. They're there for a reason.
- Nothing good ever happens when you read aloud from a book with scary pictures and words that you can't pronounce.
- Be very careful when you are deciding whether to pick on someone.
- There is no earthly reason why you should go to the fusebox alone if it's located behind the stairs in the basement.
- There is nothing cool about hedge mazes.
- Blood red, deathly pale, and ghostly white are not good colors for anybody.
- When you are running away, don't look over your shoulder. Whatever it is will still be there, and you'll only ending up running into a tree or tripping over something. When you fall, whatever it is will catch you.
- If he's well over six feet tall, wearing a mask, and carrying a bloody weapon, it will do you no good to reason with him.
- Singing nursery rhyme type songs about any "fictional" creature will only encourage it.
- Being found mutilated does not count as being famous.
- Does it really matter if the spell or incantation works? Do you really need to know?
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