Now I’ve seen my share of Bruce Lee movies, so I know that
sometimes the little guy can win, if he’s fast enough and true to his art. And while I know that, generally speaking,
it’s wrong to fight, sometimes life offers us no other option, and if you’re
going to fight well then, you may as well win.
So does anyone out there know of a good martial arts
teacher? My cat keeps coming home covered in scratches and bites and I think he
needs something to give him a little extra edge.
He’s only small you see, a rescue job from an abusive home
where he was undernourished and full of worms.
We fed him up and sorted out his infestations (of which he had more than
one!) but I think it’s just too late now and he probably won’t grow any more.
And it’s a rough neighbourhood, for cats at least. Some of
the London locals look like furry nightclub bouncers raised on a diet of raw
steak and steroids, pumping iron in some feline gym till their muscles bulge out
like over inflated car tyres.
And yes I’ve tried telling him he’s better off walking away,
that “braver is the cat who turns a whiskery cheek” but he just won’t listen. He’s new in town and says that it’s all about
“establishing his territory”. I laughed but he seemed hurt, so feeling sorry
for him, I promised to help.
And his main rival is clearly a bully and I hate bullies.
I did think perhaps that a good start might be to change his
name to something a bit more challenging.
Somehow he got saddled with “Button” which is fine in the privacy of our
own home, but out there, on the mean streets at night, he might as well be
called “Kick Me” for all the good that’s doing him.
Truth is I’m worried for his good looks, for he’s a handsome
beast now and a far cry from the emaciated sticky-haired creature who, when we
first got him, refused to come out from behind the sofa for three days. These days his fur is pure white and he gazes
upon the world through two clear, shining-with-health eyes, one light blue, and
the other amber. He really does look
amazing in the dark when you catch him in the beam of a torch…..
So, I need something to help him to build his rapidly diminishing
self-confidence, teach him some mental discipline, but there are just so many
to choose from. For example, should he train with weapons or just sharpen his
claws?
In Senegal they learn something called Laamb Wrestling
which, I understand, mixes bare-knuckle boxing with conventional wrestling, and
was traditionally used to impress potential wives and generally to prove their
masculine standing. This sounds about right, except unfortunately my furry friend
is due a trip to the vets for a little deconstructive surgery to his manhood….so
maybe it’s a bit pointless.
I also had a look at Testa, an Ethiopian martial art which
places the emphasis on head-butting, with general dirty tactics like
eye-gouging and biting (he’d be good at that) positively encouraged, but overall it all
sounds a bit, well, nasty.
I even had a look at Cornish Wrestling (or “wrasslin” as
it’s pronounced in the local dialect) but he’s self-conscious enough already
without the added burden of having to spend his days drinking strong cider,
barefoot, rolling around in the mud, learning a sport whose only real cultural
contribution was to give the English language the word “pedant”
So what d’you think?
Kung Fu or Kickboxing? Judo or Ju Jitsu?
Karate or Kendo? The empty hand
or the curved sword? Just what is best
for a weedy cat that won’t stop fighting?
Please send your suggestions care of “The Kung Fu Cat” and I’ll be sure
to pass them along.
Tags: Cat Bruce Lee Kung Fu Funny Fight Martial Arts Karate
