If you're a thrillseeker and really want to go on an adventure that you'll never forget as long as you live, I highly recommend riding a train. Not just any train line, I'm talking about AmTrak.
Before I ever got on a train, I saw movies about people riding trains. Seemed like a comfortable and safe way to travel. The days of train robberies have long since gone, and the odds of hitting a cow are fairly slim these days. I figured, what could go wrong?
In the movies however, they don't exactly show you the reality of train travel. For example, if you've ever tried to walk in a train while it's moving, then you know that at any given time you will find yourself being slammed up against the side of the car your in, or you'll wind up in the lap of a stranger.
This isn't the way I would choose to meet new people.
Then, there's the dining car. Now, provided that you can still walk and have made it to the dining car, you'll find that you're in for a whole new adventure. The adventure begins with trying to keep your drink and food from sliding off the table. Then you get to try to get the food from your plate to your mouth without losing it and/or wearing it.
After being tossed about like a pinball and being a bit weary from chasing your food, you figure a nap is in order. Ahhhhh, being gently rocked to sleep by the gentle motion of the train. Here's where your next reality check happens.
After nearly falling down five times you finally figure out how to get the bunks to come down...on your head. You lie down and realize that there is nothing gentle about this. You find it difficult to find a position that will keep you from being thrown off...(don't even think about trying to have sex unless your insurance is Blue Cross...)
I also forgot to mention another fun phenomena that happens on a train. As you're bouncing from side to side while navigating the tiny passageways of the train cars, every once in awhile, and at the worst possible moment; the train will enter a tunnel and for a few moments you are in total darkness.
At this point you're faced with another dilemma. That person or persons that were heading towards you in the opposite direction. Are they still moving or did they stop too?
Are we having fun yet?
There was one portly gent I ran into while on the train, and I mean that literally, who didn't seem to be having as much fun as I was. His fun level increased however towards the end of the trip when we all disembarked.
He was brought out on a stretcher and placed in an ambulance. Apparently, during one of the many bumps and sways of the train, he wound up slamming his head and was knocked out cold.
Hollywood just doesn't mention all the fun you can really have on a train.
This is why I now call AmTrak "SlamTrak".
If I ever ride the train again, I'm going to go to a sporting goods store first and get a Hockey goalies outfit complete with hockey stick...
It's the only way I can insure my survival.
Tags: Train Humor Amtrak
