Birth. Everyone has their opinion of birth. Danger. Fear. Pain. Drugs. Those are the feelings many people get when they think about it. How about empowerment? Love? Amazing? Wonderful? Hard work?

    What about the baby's perspective? Labor and birth takes two people working together... the mom and the baby. Together they can work in harmony, the baby sending signals to the mom for labor to begin, mom's contractions easing baby out, baby moving into the right positions to navigate the route, mom changing positions to better facilitate baby's progress.

    Now let's give mom an epidural. Who does the work now? Not mom... sure she's still contracting, but the contractions are less effective, and mom can't move around to help baby get in the right positions. It all falls on the baby. How would you feel if you're supposed to do a strenous job with a partner, and the partner flops down and relaxes, leaving all the work to you?

    Now that baby can't maneuver as well and is getting stressed out, let's screw a little electrode into his scalp so we can get his heartbeat better. Ow! Oh look, he can't quite get into the right position with mom unable to move... let's get out the vacuum extractor and pull him out. Imagine, you're in the dark, someone attaches a suction cup to your head (that hurts from the electrode) and starts pulling you out by your head. How would you feel?

    When you emerge, you are greeted by loud noises, it's cold, your cord is cut, depriving you of a good portion of your blood supply. You're taken to a flat hard surface under glaring lights while you are poked and prodded. Now how do you feel? Sounds kind of like the descriptions people tell about being abducted by aliens, doesn't it? Think how a baby feels being plucked out of the womb during a cesarean!

    How scared do you think this baby is? Does anyone talk to the baby, telling him that they are sorry... his journey must have been difficult and scary, but that he'll be okay now? No, instead he gets goop put in his eyes so he can't see clearly, and he gets painful injections of diseases he wouldn't even be at risk to catch until he is much older. His little body is now under attack by the ingredients of the vaccinations, his eyes are unfocused and it is too bright, and he gets precious little comfort. Now how would you feel?

    It is a sad fact that the baby's experience of birth is not taken into consideration. Babies are born feeling, seeing, hearing. They are impacted emotionally and psychologically in ways that may affect them their entire lives.

    Granted, sometimes birth is violent. But no one addresses these experiences with the baby. No one acknowledges what he or she went through. No one reassures them that the worst is over. What a way for our lives to begin.

Tags: Childbirth Birth Homebirth Baby Parenting Midwife

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    I am starting to pack now for the Trust Birth Conference. Besides the nervousness over flying (haven't done that in over 20 years!), I am really getting excited about it.

     I saw The Business of Being Born yesterday. This is the movie about birth that Ricki Lake produced. Oh my. I knew all the statistics they had in the film, but hearing them out loud... it is a good film, but it was emotional and a little hard to watch. I'm glad I saw it... I can see it will get women thinking.

    The impact that birth has on a woman's life is staggering. It can be either a positive impact or a negative impact. Why wouldn't we automatically choose the positive? Because our country has done a number on us. The medical establishment, television and those who have known nothing else have put such fear into us about birth. It goes to our very core.

    And what about the baby? Labor affects more than just us. The baby is part of it all. S/he gets to experience our fear, whatever stress we have, the adrenaline, the drugs, and will have their own fears when they are forced out by pitocin-induced contractions and then yanked out by a surgeon. What an introduction to life! With all the stuff babies are exposed to in utero during a routine pregnancy (ultrasound, stress over test results, avoiding an amniocentesis needle, more ultrasound, pitocin, cervadil for induction, epidurals, electronic fetal monitoring, intrathecals, and more) it is no wonder we have a crisis on our hands with epidemic proportions of autism, developmentally disabled, and other special needs children. Wouldn't you want to turn yourself off after an onslaught like that? What would be your first thought about life if you were subjected to treatment like that without any say, any understanding of what was happening?

    Sorry, I don't buy it. Yes, these things can be helpful in a VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE of cases. But routine for every single woman? I think not. I'll stick to my own truth. I've birthed 8 children and had 3 miscarriages. That is a total of 11 times I've experienced some form of pregnancy and birth. My body knows what to do, and I trust it to work with my baby to accomplish a birth. Not every birth is perfect. Mine certainly couldn't be classified that way every time. But my body knows inherently how to birth a baby. The baby inherently knows how to do his/her part to help be born. They're not just a passenger along for the ride... it is a collaborative effort.

    I am teaching my daughters to trust the birth process as well. If we don't start somewhere, this will only get worse. Back at the turn of the last century, the medical profession began a campaign to systematically discredit and get rid of midwives. Midwives have slowly been making a comeback since the 1960s. We need them. Our future depends on them. Every single industrialized country in the world has a better maternal/infant outcome than we do, and 80% of their babies are born with midwives. We need to trust the birth process instead of trying to hurry it along. Midwives. Trust Birth. Hmmm. Sounds like a plan to me.

Tags: Childbirth Birth Homebirth Baby Parenting Midwife

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We've been fighting the creeping crud at our house. Well, rather, my  husband has been fighting it. It is three weeks and counting now. He is back at work, but he probably shouldn't be. The doctor diagnosed it as bronchitis, and he is taking meds for it, along with all his other medications he has to take every day. Sigh. I wish he felt better.  At least he is sort of on the mend.

Of course, since everyone else has been feeling fine, now that he's getting better, they're getting sick! Coughs and sniffles abound. We should buy stock in cold medicine companies.

In the midst of this, I am still writing to pay the bills. I am trying to also write my own eBooks, and prepare for the Trust Birth Conference. I still have two drawing commissions to complete. I need to go out and fix one of the rabbit cages. At least the sun is out, and if I get overwhelmed, I can play a game or two of mahjohng.

Life could be a lot worse. At least the baby is still well and is in a good mood today. And I have a crocus and some snowdrops blooming in the yard. 

Tags: Family Illness Sick Home

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I am lucky enough to be a part of the Trust Birth Conference, which is scheduled for March 7-9 in Redondo Beach, California at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. This is going to be an incredible conference, with famous speakers like Dr. Michel Odent, Henci Goer and Dr. Sarah Buckley making presentations. The conference is sponsored by the Trust Birth Initiative and the Ancient Art Midwifery Institute.

I encourage anyone with an interest in birth to attend. There will be topics for student midwives like Optimal Apprenticeship, The Business of Birth and Massage in Pregnancy. For midwives, sessions like Shoulder Dystocia, The Truth about Gestational Diabetes, and Baby's Experience of Birth may sound interesting. For moms, The Power of Brain Gym, Pre & Postnatal Fitness Essentials and Elimination Communication may help them become the moms they hope to be. For those interested in unassisted birth, check out Why Women Stay Home Alone, Believe Your Way to a Better Birth and Restorative Postpartum Body Work could be helpful.

Other incredible sessions include The Scientification of Love, Can we Survive the Safe Cesarean, Herbs for Labor and Birth, Risk, Safety & Responsibility, The First Ten Minutes of Life, Teen Pregnancy and The Womanly Art of Birth.

Plus there are so many more sessions to choose from! Speakers include Rixa Freeze, Dr. Sarah Buckley, Rachel Correa, Anji Church, Debby Sapp, Denise Hornbeak (The Power of Brain Gym), Sheila Stubbs, Sheri Menelli, Shonda Parker, Kathy Nesper, Heather Brock, Jan Tritten (editor of Midwifery Today), Dr. John Stevenson, Jodilyn Owen, Mindy Goorchenko (featured in the video "The Births of Psalm and Zoya"), Gloria Lemay, Gail Hart, Patricia Ann Edmonds, Sheehan Ednie-Rosen, Lennon Clark, Henci Goer, Karen Strange, Pamela Hines-Powell, Heather Cushman-Dowdee, Dr. Michel Odent, Marcy Axness, PhD, Kristi Zittle, Raquel Lazar-Paley, Dr. Susan Moreau (chiropractor), Debby Takikawa, Dr. Elliot Berlin, Laura Shanley, Dr. Alyssa Berlin, Cheri Masek, Jane Drichta, Laureen Hudson and Carla Hartley (director of Ancient Art Midwifery Institute).

For anyone interested in birth, this conference has it all. For professionals, CEUs are available. I seriously encourage anyone even slightly interested to attend. 

Registration is available online at the Trust Birth Conference site. 

Tags: Birth Trust Midwifery Baby Childbirth

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    It's been a few days, and my homebirth entry did not get as much response as my original pregnancy post. That's cool. Today I want to talk about responsibility.

    When we make the choice to have children, we are making the choice to be responsible for them. Why should that responsibility only begin after they are born? From the moment you become pregnant, it is imperative that you learn what you need to know to remain healthy and keep your growing baby healthy before they're born. We all have lapses... have that extra cup of coffee or soda, take a tylenol to try and beat that pounding headache, or sneak a few extra pieces of chocolate during pregnancy.

    But part of providing the best for our unborn children extends to choosing the right careprovider. If that careprovider is yourself, and you're confident enough to birth unassisted, good for you. If you are choosing a midwife or obstetrician, you need to find one that will not just give you lip service. If you have certain ideas about your birth, you need to be supported in that. I don't know how many stories I've heard from women who wanted a VBAC or did not want to be induced, and their careprovider agreed for most of the pregnancy, then BAM! All of a sudden, they're railroaded into another cesarean or an induction without any reasons given. It is one thing if things start escalating... you develop pre-eclampsia or the baby is at 42 weeks and there is no sign of any impending labor. Scheduling major surgery or an induction before 40 weeks for no reason or something vague like "you're not a good candidate" is not good care.

    Are they informing you of all risks and benefits of all your tests and procedures? Absolutely nothing is mandated by law... it is not the law that you need an amniocentesis if you're 35. Ask questions and make your own decision. They cannot force you to accept tests you don't want. Amniocentesis increases the risk of miscarriage... is it worth the risk just because it is routine? If you do the research, and you feel in your case it IS worth the risk, go for it! :) All I'm advocating here is that parents take the responsibility to learn about what is happening and make the decision that is right for them.

    In our society, we tend to think of doctors as gods. They aren't. They're human, just like us. They use their knowledge and skills to do the best they can. But we are all individuals. Just because something bad happens sometimes, doesn't mean that all of us should be subjected to an invasive procedure 'just in case'. While some people may like to play god, it isn't fair to those who are being utilized in this fantasy. We are all individuals, and should receive individualized care. So question. Research. Decide for yourself.  Take responsibility to get the best fit for you and your growing family. Find a careprovider who recognizes your right to be a part of the decision process and believes in true informed consent before doing anything. 

Tags: Pregnancy Birth Baby Midwife OB

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    Today I'll cover my four homebirths. Not all were perfect, but they were infinitely better than my hospital experiences. The first big improvement... my midwife came to my house for appointments! My time with her was an hour or two each time, not a brief ten to fifteen minutes after waiting twenty in the waiting room. During this fifth pregnancy, our house burned down halfway through the pregnancy. We were without anything... no house, no clothes, no car... it was all gone. My midwife had seen me the day before the fire happened, and here I was calling her early the next day updating her on what had happened. She was incredible. She found us food once we'd been set up in an apartment by our insurance company, she helped us move furniture after we purchased some... she was wonderful. She really helped us try and settle in and focus on continuing our lives.

    My labor started while we were out doing errands on a bright day in April. Small contractions occurred throughout our day. By the time we got home in the early evening, I was thinking we were getting there. We took the entire family for a walk through the large apartment complex, having to stop every two to three minutes so I could breathe through the contractions. When we got back home, we ate dinner, and I took a bath, sipping on a tiny glass of wine to test the labor. (Baths and/or a tiny bit of wine will slow things down if it is prelabor, but if it real labor, nothing will slow it down, except maybe changing your location and not feeling comfortable.) The contractions slowed just enough that I was able to go to bed. I fell asleep almost immediately, waking at 2am to much stronger contractions. I got up and went to the bathroom... sure enough, bloody show. My water broke, so I grabbed a towel to keep between my legs as I wandered around. I called the midwife and told her to come. I put on some music (Enya is still my favorite music for labor), and leaned on my birth ball. Soon my sounds woke my husband. He started to lay out the tarp on the floor, and then the midwife arrived. My friend, who is a doula trainer, arrived just as I hit transition. The contractions were strong, they were all-encompassing, and it felt like they'd never end, but it was amazing. Empowering. Every time a contraction hit, I tried to think of all the women around the world in labor at the same moment. Of all the women throughout history feeling this power and energy engulfing them as they birthed the next generation. It gave me strength to get through each contraction.  They changed as the baby moved down and closer to birth. Pushing came naturally, and I just did as my body needed to do. Our oldest daughter woke up at this point and came out to witness the birth. My husband caught our third daughter as she was born, feeling the bubbly sensation as her lungs expanded for the first time taking her first breath. I turned, and held my daughter for the first time, her cord still attached, her placenta as yet unborn.  Words cannot describe the feelings surging through us at this wee hour of the morning. After the placenta was born, our oldest daughter got to cut the cord. The midwife and her apprentice monitored us both for awhile, cleaned up the birthing area, and dished up the chicken soup that my hubby had started before the baby was born. Before they left, they tucked us all in together on our beanbag sofa... creating a wondrous nest to rest in. All my postpartum visits were also done at my home, so our new baby was not subjected to outside weather, or people at the doctor's office who may have been carrying who knows what illness. It was utterly life-changing to birth this child this way.

    My next pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was scared... I went to the ER. They had me sit out in the waiting room after I told them I was miscarrying, and when they finally called me in, I was pouring blood down my legs as I walked across the waiting room to be seen.  

    Our next pregnancy started just as we sold our home and moved to another state. The homebirth midwives were a bit different there... I had to go to their office. The first one I chose had a beautiful birthing center on the shores of a small lake. It was absolutely stunning. It turned out that she was a bit too medicalized for me, however... she insisted on an ultrasound at almost every visit, and kept at me to do an amniocentesis since I had hit that magical age of 35. I refused, and changed midwives. I still had to go to the new one's office for appointments, but she was closer to what I wanted for my birth. I woke up in labor on August 1, and called her to come. I labored on my own for awhile. It took her a couple of hours to arrive with her apprentice. By the time they arrived, I was almost in transition. My hubby spent most of the time keeping the kids fed and happy, although my two youngest stayed on the bed with me once I settled in there for the birth. They were silent and observant. My oldest daughter was taking photos. Pushing seemed to be taking forever, and I didn't seem to be getting anywhere no matter what position we tried. I was entertaining fantasies in my head of heading to the local hospital and getting an epidural, while knowing at the same time that they wouldn't give me one... I was too far into the labor. It turned out the reason it was taking so long was the baby had his hand up by his ear... his hand was born as he was crowning. Ow! He grabbed his oldest sister's finger before he was even born! I wish I had a photo of that. Anyway, we finally got him pushed out, arm alongside his head and all. He was my largest baby to date... a whopping 9 lbs 10 oz. Bright red hair. Healthy and happy. After his birth we moved back to Oregon.

    I suffered another early miscarriage after this one. Again I went to the ER, where it took over six hours before they released me, telling me it was all over.

    My next pregnancy, I used a midwife who had been apprenticing with the midwife we had for our first homebirth. Smart, she knew her stuff, and we had the previous relationship, which was nice. She didn't push anything on me that I didn't want. I went past my due date, and was 5 cm dilated without going into labor. We bound up my belly to help baby sit correctly on my cervix, and a couple days later, I was in labor. Of course, the midwife was over an hour away at the coast, tending to family obligations when I called her. We both knew this would happen. She rushed back. Her assistant arrived first, then the midwife my current midwife had apprenticed with (she was providing backup), then finally my current midwife arrived. My hubby already had most of the supplies set up, and I was leaning on him for support during contractions. My labor was very fast, as most of my dilation was already done. The baby crowned, his head was born... and then he got stuck. His elbow was wedged up under my pelvic bone, and he didn't want to budge. These three women flipped me through the air onto my back before I knew what was happening. My midwife reached in (ow!) and released his arm, and he was born extremely fast. I had one tiny tear. Not bad, considering our son was 10 lbs, 11 oz. After discussing the options, she put in a single stitch to hold it. Good thing, since our early time at home was disrupted. Our youngest son was sleepy, and having respiratory retractions (where the rib cage dips in deeply with each breath). We took him to the hospital by early evening, since it didn't seem to be resolving. The local hospital took x-rays, stuck him with all sorts of IVs and needles, and started talking about shipping him to Portland to the the Children's Hospital, as they thought he had fluid around his heart. They shipped us to the other local hospital for evaluation. The neonatologist there put us through hell because we had opted for a homebirth. He bullied us, told us our baby would die if he didn't do a spinal tap (it turned out clear and healthy), and that he would keep the baby in the hospital for three weeks if we didn't let him do what he wanted. They kept our son in a bassinet under warming lights, put him on a CPAP machine to up his oxygen level, and filled him with so many antibiotics his little arm swelled up from the excess fluids. They wouldn't let me hold him. They were extremely unhappy that the only time I left him was to go all the way out of the NICU and down the hall to the bathroom. By early the next morning, our son was trying to pull the tubes out. He started crying loudly, and didn't stop until they let me hold him. They tried to give him a pacifier with some kind of sweetener on it instead of letting me nurse him... once they let me nurse him he was quiet and happy. We fought with the neonatologist to release him to pediatrics... the fluid in his lungs had decreased. He was born so quickly, it didn't have a chance to be squeezed out. They finally released him to go downstairs. Oh, it was heaven! A bed, that both of us could lie in. The NICU is not helpful for postpartum moms with sore bottoms. They left us alone most of the time. But they still wouldn't let us leave the hospital until they put him in a car seat and monitored him for an hour. Well, I use the term 'monitored' loosely... they put him in the car seat, but they didn't have him hooked up to anything. No one came in to look at him or anything until an hour and a half later. Finally, we could go home! The entire time in the hospital, I relied on my midwife and my hubby to bring food. I ate three times in the two days we were there.

    My next pregnancy was a strange journey. I was definitely pregnant, the test was positive, my belly grew... and then I started spotting. I spotted for two months before finally miscarrying. I stayed at home, and had an unassisted miscarriage. I was twenty weeks when I finally labored. I passed a small placenta and membranes. The baby had stopped forming at some early point, and been reabsorbed, but for some reason, the hormones kept being produced and kept the placenta growing.

    I decided my next pregnancy would be unassisted. I had been reading about it, and it fit the budget. The unassisted miscarriage had gone fine, so I felt confident that I could handle it. My hubby, as the weeks went on, started feeling a bit nervous, however, so we met with a traditional midwife. My homebirth midwives up to this point had been Certified Professional Midwives... they had passed a rigorous test (both written and on skills) from the National Association of Registered Midwives, and were licensed by the state. My new midwife had been practicing for over twenty years. She had learned by experience, and saw attending a birth as an honor. She was upfront if she felt something was out of her scope, and would recommend someone who was more knowledgeable in that area if needed. She became a part of our family.

    She addressed my needs that I had after my last birth and miscarriage. She was there if I needed to talk. She arranged our prenatal schedule so if I needed her to come more frequently than normal, she would. We passed my due date, and were counting the days. Labor finally started after a long day of errands... I had been so hungry for fried chicken, so my oldest daughter was helping me make fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and peas. Contractions started at five minutes apart. I called my midwife to give her a heads up, then ate my dinner. By ten pm, I called her again. She decided to head over and spend the night if needed... the roads were icy, and would only get worse as the night wore on. When she arrived, we set up in the bedroom. My contractions slowed down... so we set up the kids in the living room to watch a movie, and I went out there and rocked in the rocking chair. My midwife was in the midst of all the kids, joking with them and eating popcorn. Every so often, she'd let me know how close the contractions were getting. It was just enough contact to let me know as I labored that she was paying attention, and knew what was happening. By 2:30 am, the kids had crashed. We put them all to bed, made up some blankets on the sofa for the midwife, and we all went to try and get some rest. I actually fell asleep, and woke up to more contractions at 5:30. I laid in bed, breathing through them and timing them for about an hour, then got up. I emptied my bladder, and went out to the living room to wake my midwife. She already knew I was up, and checked in with me as soon as I came out. She started setting up the supplies as I labored on my birth ball. My hubby came out soon after, followed by all the girls. When the ball didn't help any longer, I went and leaned against the wall, rocking my hips. On my next trip to the bathroom, my water broke. We made a path of towels to catch the drips, and I went back to leaning against the wall. When that didn't work anymore, I leaned over the edge of the sofa. I knew I was in transition. I suddenly felt the baby move down. I was sweating like crazy, drips falling off my face. Deep inside my brain I was telling myself I was too old to be going through this... was I crazy???? Kneeling didn't feel good anymore, but I couldn't seem to make myself move. With the help of my hubby and my midwife, I shifted over to a semi-sit. The baby was crowning. I helped support my tissues so they wouldn't tear while the baby was born. I breathed through almost all the contractions, only giving tiny nudges when needed. I was able to bend forward and see the baby rotate, and soon she was born. All 10 lbs of her! No tears, no anything. Soon we were all tucked up on the sofa, nursing strongly. Our youngest daughter was born surrounded by her sisters, and the two middle girls took turns trying to cut the cord. This birth was incredible, and was everything I could have hoped it would be. We enjoyed a quiet postpartum. I didn't take her out of the house for two weeks.

    Would I choose home again? You bet I would! I know how to monitor my blood pressure, my weight, and how I'm feeling. Most parents who choose homebirth educate themselves and assume responsibility for their decisions. Birth is not always safe and pretty. Sometimes birth ends with death. But really, in our society today, we are kept so separate from these transitions in our lives. We don't know how to assume responsibility for some of these things anymore. If a family member is born, it is the responsibility of the doctors, and if something goes wrong then, we can blame them, sue them, collect lots of money, and life goes on without making a single headline. Never mind that some of those things that went wrong were caused by inducing, or an unnecessary surgery. If a family member dies, we ship them off to mortuaries for preparation. It was once an honor to prepare a loved one's body for burial. A last gift to give to that person. I think it is time that we take a look at our lives, and know that not every person or animal can be saved. Sometimes we need to take responsibility for making what we feel is the best decision. Sometimes it is the right decision. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, we need to learn as much as possible, take responsibility, and live with the consequences. I made the decision to have my first four babies in the hospital, and I take responsibility for that. My older children have seen the births of their younger siblings, and I've apologized to my older ones that they did not get a peaceful entrance to this world like some of their siblings. Every child deserves the opportunity to enter this world peacefully. Whether that is in the hospital or at home is up to you. You just have to fight harder for it to happen at the hospital. 

Tags: Pregnancy Birth Baby Homebirth Midwife

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    I've been getting comments on my last post about pregnancy and birth. While I don't expect everyone to agree with me on homebirth, I do want to explain a little bit. Then again, the most popular blogs are controversial, right? So maybe I'll be the controversial homebirth advocate. Either way, here I go again.

    Yes, I know that complications happen. That doesn't mean that they will happen to everyone, or that we should necessarily all check into a hospital "just in case". A lot of complications are brought on by "routine procedures"... inducing to get labor going before the weekend, using pitocin on a regular basis, and keeping women in bed instead of upright and active are a few. 

    I know many of you won't agree with me. That's okay. Even if one person starts to think and does the research before making her decision, that's wonderful. That way, if she opts for the hospital, an induction and an epidural, it is because she made an informed choice, not because that was what was expected.  

    If I ever have another baby, I will be planning another homebirth. If complications arise, I will see whomever I need to for treatment. But I feel my homeborn babies had a much better start than my hospital-born babies. My homeborn babies were not subjected to ultrasound, pitocin or medications. They were born relaxed, alert, and calm. I was relaxed, alert, and calm. My time with these children was uninterrupted by protocols.

    It's not like I've never been through hospital birth. I have. Four times. My first  had all the bells and whistles... a paracervical (they don't use this pain relief method anymore), an epidural, and a cesarean after two hours of purple pushes. Could it possibly have been because my water was broken before my daughter was in the best position? If I had been more active, possibly she would have shifted anyway, but, alas, I was in full beached whale syndrome, and once the epidural was administered, I couldn't have gotten up if I'd wanted to. I take partial responsibility here... I wasn't the most cooperative mom on the ward that day. But was that worth a cesarean where I was left tied to the OR table without anyone monitoring me while the epidural wore off and I couldn't help pushing even though my legs were tied together? I don't think so.

    Even after this, I returned to the hospital. VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean) were popular in the early 1990s, so we were aiming for one. The CNM ruptured my waters in such a manner that it felt like the entire ocean was pouring forth. My son's heartrate plummeted, and took quite a while to recover. I received a large episiotomy, and my poor son was subjected to all sorts of tests because they thought him to be oversized. He was 9 lbs 5 oz. Turns out, I have large babies more often than not, so it was probably unnecessary.

    And still I went back, good little lemming that I was. This time I avoided the epidural. They still broke my water, but they encouraged me to be up and active. I walked the halls, I was in the shower, I sat on the birthing stool and the birth ball. Asked for a half dose of fentanyl for that last cm of dilation, though it turned out to be not what I wanted. Live and learn. My son was yanked out so hard that they thought he may have broken his clavicle. Luckily, he didn't. I suffered from postpartum depression after this birth, and was on medications until shortly before my fourth was born.

And still I went back. The last time, I only went back because my husband was not yet ready to try birthing at home. My CNMs were fired two weeks before I gave birth. We had some premature labor issues, which I learned later were most likely due to the zoloft I had been on for depression. This birth convinced me and my hubby that we should just stay home if there was a next time. No one bothered to be there. The nurse checked me, declared me at 5 cm, and left. The doctor did not bother to come in when she arrived. Even my hubby went out to the parking lot to check on our other kids who were staying in my inlaws' motorhome. The only person with me was my doula, and she was napping. Well, I had to push! My doula ran to the door, calling down the hall for the nurse. The doctor barely made it in to catch the baby. We could have done it ourselves. 

    I'm planning on writing on this in more detail, hopefully for a book sometime in the future. Next time, I'll write here about the homebirths. 

Tags: Pregnancy Birth Baby Hospital Epidural

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    I want to talk about a subject near and dear to my heart... birth. Pregnancy and birth are my passions in life... I like to read about it, work with women going through it, and experience it myself. Obviously, or I wouldn't have eight children, right?

    Pregnancy was easy for me, luckily. No issues, very few complications. I glowed. I gloried in my growing belly. When the baby kicked, I'd smile that secret smile that moms-to-be share. I ***love*** being pregnant. It is the ultimate act of creativity. The ultimate intimate experience. The ultimate... everything for me. I know many women don't share my opinion, and that's okay. Some of you have a really rough time of it... being sick, feeling like you've lost your body to the alien growing within. Not me, though. 

    I admit to feelings of trepidation each time birth has approached. First time, because I didn't know what to expect. It ended in a cesarean. Second time, because I was feeling pressure to 'do it right this time'. Third time because I was going without the epidural. Fourth time because we'd had some premature labor scares, and once labor hit, it went FAST. Dr. almost didn't make it in the room to catch the baby. Fifth time because we were staying home. Sixth time because I didn't really feel connected to our midwife. Seventh time because of leftover issues from the sixth time. And the eighth time... well, we had a LOT of leftover issues from the seventh time.

    But birth is powerful. We are built to give birth. Let's face it, our primary reason for being here is to perpetuate the human race. The basic design is successful. Granted, occasionally there is someone who has problems, and it is a terrific thing we have modern medicine when that happens. But for moms like me, who revel in the entire process, who look at this as a pinnacle of acheivement in our lives... birth is amazing. So much so, I've spent over 14 years of my life studying it... 10 of those as a midwifery student (okay, I had to take some breaks in there for major moves, my hubby's open heart surgery and recovery, etc). I don't know if I will ever really be a practicing midwife, but I want to learn everything anyway. Maybe I can just write about it, if I never get the apprenticeship that will give me the clinical skills. Either way, it is worth every moment.

    There is, unfortunately, a war going on between the medical birth side and the homebirth side. Since only 1-2% of women in the entire country give birth at home, I have to wonder what the big deal is to the medical community. That's not a big chunk of the pie. What's the big deal? Most of these women would choose to stay out of the hospital anyway, barring a major complication. They would just do it without assistance. Indeed, the unassisted movement is growing every day. More and more women are opting to birth alone rather than submit to protocols that disturb their concentration during the birth. While licensing for midwives is allowing them to practice in more states than before, licensing brings with it more medicalization, more testing, and more protocols. So, soon birthing at home won't be much different than birthing in a hospital. I think that is why more and more women are birthing unassisted.

    I'm not sure if I would give birth unassisted. I certainly thought about it seriously the last time. I have experienced a late miscarriage unassisted at home, and I have confidence that I could birth unassisted as well. But I like having the motherly presence of a midwife there. I like knowing that if I need something, I can ask her to get it. She is there to reassure my hubby and children if I am expressing the power of birth loudly.

    I think I'll be doing a bit of a series here on these subjects. My own sounding board, if you will. You don't have to agree with me... I certainly know I won't agree with everyone either. That's okay. What is right for me may not be right for you, and vice versa. I think the important thing is the opportunity to bring your children into this world the way you want. Some people need the security of the hospital... the beeping of the electronic fetal monitor is comforting to them. Some people need absolute privacy that they can only get at home, away from everyone. Some people fall somewhere in between. I'd like to think we could all be open and share with each other... and learn from each other. An open mind is a good thing.

Tags: Pregnancy Birth Homebirth Midwife

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So, I'm trying to write a book. No, not the great American novel... a nonfiction book. I'm working on my notes, outlines, and proposal. I want to do this right and increase the odds that my proposal is accepted.

Anyone out there publish a book? I think I'm doing my research right, and I'm looking up publishers who work with my topic. The first time is always the hardest, right? Anyway, I am on my way. Publishers, look out! Bookstores, stand by! Okay, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. But I have to indulge myself in a little fantasy once in awhile! Yes, this entry is short, but I have to get back to work! Updates as I have them.

Tags: Writing

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