When i have to deal with pain on a daily basis, it is hard to focus and deal with other things in my life.  I know that other people have to deal with all types of pain....loss of a loved one, either through death or a divorce.  There is verbal, mental, emotional and physical pain.  I use to be strong and could handle all types of pain, but after so many years of suffering i feel so weak not being able to cope with it anymore.  The physical pain is what i have trouble controlling.  It holds me back everyday from getting my goals accomplished.  It wears on me and causes mental fatigue.  My children suffer as well, when their mother is not able to be a positive role model for them. 

After suffering for 11 years with back pain from injuring my back during my son's birth, i final had my prayers answered when i found a neurosurgeon willing to operate and relieve some of the pain.  That was 4 mos. ago and things seemed to be healing and i was getting relief until the snow storm 4 weeks ago and i had a car accident.  Since then, i have had an increase in my pain.  And with the cold weather here, everytime it snows i can feel the storm before it gets here.  I guess that would be arthritis.  The trauma team at the hospital said that i did not mess up my surgery.  I will take the MRI and CT scans with me when i see my surgeon later this month and let him be the judge.  I had to get part of the coccyx (tailbone) removed, and 4 screws inserted in the L4 L5 and S1 facet joints to fuse those bones together and relief the sciatica pain i had due to the bulging discs with tears.  All that damage from birthing my 9 lb 9 oz son and it should not have taken 11 years to find a doctor to help me.  I am just thankful that neither of us died the day he was born.  And i am thankful for my surgery, i just hope that it didn't get messed up in that wreck.  Some days i want to just wake up and have a new life, but i know that i am not the only one suffering so with that in mind...i try to refocus and get thru my day the best i can and try to get something accomplished!  My wish and prayer for 2008 is less pain of all types for everyone in the world and more love to go around!  With love all things are possible....