• A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
  
  
• A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
  
  
• A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
  
  
• A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
  
  
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  
  
• Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
  
  
• Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.
  
  
• Celibacy is not hereditary.
  
  
• Familiarity breeds children.
  
  
• For adult education, nothing beats children.
  
  
• God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.
  
  
• God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
  
  
• Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
  
  
• Having children will turn you into your parents.
  
  
• If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
  
  
• If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
  
  
• Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
  
  
• Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
  
  
• It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
  
  
• It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.
  
  
• Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
  
  
• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
  
  
• One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
  
  
• You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you have.
  
  
• Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
  
  
• The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
  
  
• There are three ways to get things done:
  
  
  
  
  
  1. do it yourself
     
     
  2. hire someone to do it
     
     
  3. forbid your kids to do it
  
  
  
• There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
  
  
• Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
  
  
• The best thing to spend on your children is time.

Tags: Funny