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Western Rules
Posted On: 02/14/2008 17:02:23
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> Rules of Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, and the Wild West are as follows:
>
> 1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
>
> 3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
> pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
> gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
>
> 4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like
> money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west,
> I-15 goes north and south. Pick one.
>
> 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000
> combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
>
> 6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly.
> Try to understand the concept.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves
> are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand.
> You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
>
> 8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi
> and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
>
> 9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
> religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
>
> 10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
>
> 11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or
> you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and
> turkey.
>
> 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
> vegetables, and breads We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
> Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that
> stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
>
> 13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
> over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute,
> know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>
> 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the
> Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
>
> 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it
> spooks the fish.
>
> 16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities ,
> Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education
> plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when
> they come home for the holidays.
>
> 17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than
> all of you put together, so don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get
> whipped by the best.
>
> 18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
> music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
> your boxers! Refer back to #1!
>
>
Tags: Humor
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