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Betty and Monty's Humor for the Day
Posted On: 04/08/2008 18:35:40
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Humor from Betty & Monty
To Day Betty and Monty caught up on their emails and here are a few cute ones they thought to share with all their friends. Hope you enjoy them.
 &nb sp; 
THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN... TICK WARNING!
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it
myself a couple times unintentionally... but this one is real, and it's
important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e- mail list.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks
due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance
around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT. THIS IS A SCAM! They only want to see
you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. Jesus is watching you....
A burglar broke into a house and shined his flashlight around looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying: "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked off his flashlight and froze. When he heard nothing more he continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out he heard: "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically. Finally, in the corner of the room his light beam came to rest on a parrot."Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you". The burglar relaxed.
"Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."
"Oh," said the man. Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's," replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Hillary's clock?" asked the man.
"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Tags: Humor Jokes Stories
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