|
Viewing 1 - 3 out of 3 Blogs.
The store that sells new husbands
add to favorites
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item fro m a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited
Tags: Funny
add to favorites
Tip 1: Sex As Communication
One of the best ways a couple can learn each other more intimately is by making love. Sex is a very special form of communication in that most of the talking is done with our bodies instead of with spoken language. Certainly we communicate verbally when we discuss what we like in bed, what our sexual fantasies are, what we find comfortable and/or uncomfortable, and some of this discussion can occur during the lovemaking process. However, there is a silent communication between lovers that occurs during sex. It's a sort of instinctive knowing that flows back and forth between partners. This is why sex is such an important and intimate act. It can bring human beings closer together than they ever imagined.
Tip 2: Expectations and Pressures
Sometimes partners feel so much expectation to be a "good" lover that frustration can occur before sex even begins. Talk with your partner in a neutral atmosphere. Allow him/her to express how s/he feels openly. Do your best not to judge, even if what you hear is surprising to you. Keep in mind that as long as respect is mutual, there is nothing wrong or bad about any fantasy or desire your partner may have. This does not mean you are obligated to act on every wish your partner may put forward, but by listening with an open, mind trust is established between you. In the bedroom, this trust translates to better sex, no matter what happens between the sheets.
Tip 3: How Important is Orgasm?
Many couples approach sex with the idea that orgasm is the "goal." The release is seen to be the big finish after a lot of effort and energy expended in the act of lovemaking. Needless to say, this produces an immense amount of unconscious pressure on both partners. This pressure can result in a less-than-satisfying sexual experience, especially if one or the other partner does not reach orgasm. The next time you and your partner make love, approach the encounter without this goal of orgasm. Spend time enjoying each other's bodies. When it feels natural, or if one or the other of you seems to have gotten lost or distant (which sometimes happens), stop in between periods of foreplay and/or intercourse and take a break. You can talk or be silent for a while, hold each other, do anything that does not involve direct genital stimulation. Taking breaks during sex doesn't mean you're giving up or not doing it "right." Even runners walk at certain points in a marathon. Removing the goal of orgasm also allows you both to experience the hundreds of other ways to experience pleasure. Orgasm, then, becomes a wonderful bonus when it does happen.
Tip 4: Self-Loving
Masturbation is another area of human sexuality that is often considered taboo. On the contrary, it is a natural act, and one that actually enhances your ability as a lover. After all, how can you make love to another human being if you don't know how to make love to yourself? Men may find masturbation an optimum method for developing the skill to delay orgasm during sex with a partner. Women can use masturbation as a tool to discover what feels good to them and be better able to relay this to her partner. Overall, masturbation is an act of love that you share with yourself. Consider it a celebration of your own sexuality, the same sexuality you share with the partner you care for.
Tip 5: Sexual Health
Over the last couple of decades, much of the concern about sexual health has dealt with the prevention of the spread of HIV/AIDS. While it is a valid concern, there are other STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) that we need to protect ourselves from as well, such as Chlamydia, Venereal Disease, Herpes, and more. New couples should always use a condom when having sex, including oral sex. If you choose to become monogamous, talk with your partner about both of you getting tested for STDs including HIV. As odd as this may seem, the act of getting tested is one that can bring you closer together as a couple, as it build a level of trust between you.
Tags: Sex Attitudes
add to favorites
Dog food diet.
I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba (Dog food) at Pick and Pay and standing in line at the check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 22 kilos before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door
Tags: Lol Funny
|
