Well. everyone keeps telling me I should write a book--I decided to start off with something much smaller and more managable and I'll go from there I guess. I hope there are some people out there who understand and have maybe even gone through this transition and can offer me some words of wisdom.
Most of you don't know me that well, so I'll just start off simply saying as my profile name indicates I'm a mom of one beautiful, intelligent, great daughter. She is 22 years old and the center of my universe. She will soon be 23, and I am thankful every day for the mature, wonderful, kind person that she has become with the independence to move to another state at 22, accept an exciting job for her and start all over in another state. It hasn't been easy for her--she gets lonely, but she's been there 6 months now I guess, so she seems to be settling in and starting to feel more at home there too. Now, I did leave out that she is a spoiled, spoiled princess...but I guess I can't just say the good and ignore the bad. It's of course not that bad--until she finds some guy she wants to marry and realizes things may not be quite as spoiled as they were with mom and dad, but she is the apple our our eye, and her dad is the one that spoiled her totally--I may have had a little to do with it--but very minimal. LOL. I'm sure we all know that's not true. We both did the spoiling--although he to a larger degree--you know that father-daughter bond where they just have to wiggle that little finger and he goes flying or if it's a tough day she may have to talk to him and flash him that beautiful, sweet smile of hers that says I love you, daddy---and he's putty in her hands. It's funny to watch this big, kinda gruff guy just melt when she's around and always be there for her no matter what. If she's lost in California, she'll call her daddy for directions--now he's never lived there but he's visited 3 times and me twice, so she just calls him. She won't let us guy a gps for her because she doesn't need one--but trust me she does, and that she definitely got from her mom. 
That was a very long description just for my sign-on name, huh? but anytime I can talk about my daugher, I usually do, but back to the blog entry #1.
So at 18, I decided to get married and a few months later along came our beautiful daughter---she isn't the sole reason we got married but she was a big factor..and in all honesty, she has been the center of our universe for both of us since she was conceived, so she's always been out special bond and the wonderful thing in our life that we could always talk about and share stories and smile.
But...somewhere along the way in those 23 years, we had some issues and kinda just squashed them down--tried to talk about and fix them--but if they didn't get fixed, then they just got put away again until the next time they came up...and subconciously, I now realize that we both felt it so important to be there togethr for our daughter as a unit--strong, loving, supportive--a unit that she knew was always there for her and were always supportive, enouraging and the people she could come to with any good news, bad news, just needing a hug or support, and she did.
Then July 2007 came, and it was time for her to accept a job in California in her choses career field of Supply Chain Management, so she went on her way and we've seen each other every month -- not the same as every week, but it could be worse...and suddenly thos issues that had been forced down for all these years just came up and out and demanded some sort of attention--resolution or whatever it may be. Unfortunately, the more we really assessed our situation, the hard, cold truth was that we had grown very far apart in the 23 years and really had nothing in common anymore and although we gave those issues our best effort--they just weren't getting any better...so somewhere deep within myself, I realized exactly how unhappy I was and had been--but had been ignoring, so I decided it was time to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy, healthy, and whole...so began the deep, difficult, emotional discussions until eventually I decided to move to my own place on January 4th--wanted to wait until the holidays were over so we could tell our daughter together and be there for her together...so that was a miserable experience--even at 22, they like to think you'll be together forever and they still hold that hope that you'll get back together even though you've told them it's not going to happen...so we're all adjusting to our own lives, and the packing and moving out process has been very difficult for all of us--it's hard to start separating 23 years of possessions, of memories and watch the house becoming more empty every day, so it was definitely a difficult transition--in hindsight, I would have moved out earlier, done it much quicker--kinda like that rip the band-aid off trick--I think that would have been easier on everyone..but that's why they call it hindsight, huh?
So now I've been separated for almost a month, I'm adjusting to my expensive, luxury apartment that's really very cheaply built--I can hear the neighbors upstairs everytime they flush the toilet, do laundry, run the dishwasher, shower, and yes, believe it or not, I can even tell when it is the man "taking a leak"...and three beautiful little girls probably all under six--now you can imagine their running, jumping, screaming, stomping on the floor. It feels like I'm in a madhouse somedays...and the whole toilet thing has really became a joke among my friends because it's not just a small thing you hear..it sounds like a huge waterfall just started and is getting ready to come through my ceiling.
So that has been one of the many adjustments of single life is apartment living---wow, it's very different than having your own house, your own privacy and just being able to keep people shut out of it if you want to--I just want to enjoy some peace and quiet and be able to sleep...but maybe it will get easier with time.
And, yes, I have started seeing member of the opposite sex, which has proven interesting to say the least. I believe I will keep this blog G-rated, but let's just say not a lot of satisfaction and much disappointment in the choices I've made so far and the men that I have seen--not all of them---but very close to it...so I continue to work on that part of my life---I was doing internet dating, and while it seems fun and interesting at first, I think I'm finding it may not be the best place for me, so I'm going to have to get out of this house and find me some potential candidates locally.
But all in all, it's been a fairly good month. Emotionally, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Also, with my illnesses, I often didn't feel like doing things around the house, so as time went by...basically, my husband had taken over doing EVERYTHING...and while this was so sweet and caring of him and I find no fault with him...It was one of my factors to move out because I knew if I was going to find the strong, independent, fierce person that I once was, then I needed to be forced to take care of myself in all those little ways and big ways and so far, so good. I haven't starved, my laundry gets done, and I don't think I've ran out of Pepsi's completely yet so life is pretty good, and I feel like I'm handling it and that feels great.
Ok...I'm sure I've written a novel here in Entry 1...but I'll continue the story another day with a second entry. Thanks for reading if anyone actually can make it though this whole blog...I tend to be a little verbose, so don't feel bad if you lose interest halfway through it--that's completely understandable. Thank you for letting me have this opportunity to jot some of these things down and as I try to work through the transition--hope you will find some entries humorous, some you've probably experienced yourself, and some may be unbelievable--some are even to me and it's only been a month. Anyway, feel free to comment on the blog if we can do that and offer constructive feedback only, please...and I will definitely consider any feedback/advice offered. Thanks to my friends here at Zubby.com.
Tags: SingleDivorceLife
